So I once again found myself in a bad place. Things were mounting up, changes happening, deadlines looming... I was, to say the least, feeling some stress.
Unfortunately, as I was trying to cope with things on my own and in my own way, I failed to realize that most important thing... friends... and I lashed out at one of them. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated.
For an individual that has spent most of his adult working life maintaining and being in control of situations, this time I failed miserably! My actions and words cut deep... I have more than likely permanently changed the relationship and interaction. I admit, I was physically ill when I realized what I had done. My sleep, as uneven as it is, became non-existent for a few days.
I have since apologized.
Since then, only an acknowledgement that they received it, and the words, "I don't know what to say."
I understand that. It was more than I expected, for that I am grateful. I don't know if this relationship will be recovered... if it is, I know I forced a change... and for that, I am deeply saddened.
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