Keep your friends...

So I once again found myself in a bad place.  Things were mounting up, changes happening, deadlines looming... I was, to say the least, feeling some stress.


Unfortunately, as I was trying to cope with things on my own and in my own way, I failed to realize that most important thing...  friends... and I lashed out at one of them.  I am ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. 

For an individual that has spent most of his adult working life maintaining and being in control of situations, this time I failed miserably!  My actions and words cut deep... I have more than likely permanently changed the relationship and interaction.  I admit, I was physically ill when I realized what I had done.  My sleep, as uneven as it is, became non-existent for a few days.  

I have since apologized.

Since then, only an acknowledgement that they received it, and the words, "I don't know what to say."

I understand that.  It was more than I expected, for that I am grateful.  I don't know if this relationship will be recovered... if it is, I know I forced a change... and for that, I am deeply saddened.

OK, ok, ok... ok... OK!

So I finally succumbed and got what is called a "smart" phone...

I must profess... it seems to be a bit smarter than me, as it has taken at least two days to figure it out!

So this little 'mini' computer, hiding behind the pretense of being a cellphone...  Really!?  I mean who calls anyone anymore?  Isn't it a text, a FB status update, a 'Check-In', or other "non-social" thing?

The biggest social change that we as humans have experienced... is the non-socialiazation of life!

Do you know your next door neighbor?  How about those across the street?  Know anyone a street over?  Ahh.. a memory of being inducted into the "Kathy Street" family... movie nights, house sitting, dog watching...  Another memory of growing up on "Pecos Lane" and the 'community' pool we had, firewood, oh... and those dust storms...

It seems to me, and this is only my opinion, that living has become very complicated!  I must be getting old.  As I am remembering a time when things were different.  I understand that progress must be made, but is it a steamroller effect?  Should we just let go of everything that is 'updated' and embrace the new?  What about the old?

I know how to tie a few knots... I'll give you some rope... can you tie the same?

BTW... I saw that there is an app for this...  point made!

Place

An interesting word.

It can refer to a location, space, atmosphere, region, a spot... social status, a competition, sequence, niche... a condition, position, accommodation, status, or even employment...

I have been thinking about my "place" recently.

I find that I have been guilty of a sin.  I have coveted.

It is a hard thing, to recognize things that others do... yet remain unrecognized for the things that one does.

This is the path I chose though.  So I willingly and gratefully accept my place.  Mostly, because I do what I do, and I am at peace with it!

Loss...

People lose things every day.

Some of these losses are really insignificant... a receipt, a paper, a few dollars; maybe some directions, or a phone number...  Some are more significant... like keys, an important document, cellphones...  But, some are most significant, and cause us to take pause.

The loss of a family member, a pet, a friend...

Most adults realize that death is inevitable, yet we seem to push it off.  Grandparents should leave us before parents, parents before children, children before grandchildren... but life is unpredictable.  Yet regardless of the order, it is always hard.

I have experienced many deaths in my life.  I have had many losses in my life; family, friends, pets... and even patients I have cared for.  I have witnessed some of them, others I have been informed of.  And in each and every time, I have always paused.  I have taken a moment to reflect, to remember, to pray, and even cry.  It never get's easier. 

As an ED Nurse, I still do this when a patient dies.  I take a break, walk away from it, maybe go for a walk outside, maybe call someone to talk about it and decompress... I need a reset, a reboot so to speak... because it will start all over when I get back. 

A friend recently experienced a loss.  I was very sad, as I had met and knew this individual... I cried.

As I mourn this loss, I reflect on my own situation and know another loss is looming in my own family.  There is no way to adequately prepare...  even with all of the faith you have, it still seems to be a shock when it happens, and painful...

Please know that I am thinking about you and him.  And please know that I cried... I can't comfort you directly, but through my words and this memorial... He will live forever in not only your memories, but those of others!

Please, may Peace be upon you!

Some leathers!

I saw a lot of leather yesterday!

Might need to get me some!

9/11 Patriot Motorcycle Ride to Remember

This morning I took part in an event.  The primary purpose was to honor and remember those that lost their lives 10 years ago.  The sight,sound, and feeling of hundreds of motorcycles starting, riding down the road for over a mile in length, going through the Margaret T. Hance, I-10 tunnel and just feeling the rumble, watching in awe as DPS, Phoenix PD, and Mesa PD are zipping by to block traffic, do a complete traffic stop on the Loop 202 even... just to let us ride by.

This hits home for me.

There were people doing there job, supporting this effort, actually risking their lives to provide the support and 'inconviencing' a few motorists at the same time!  There's another post about karma there... but I had no tailgaters on my way home after the ride today, must have been the RW&B on the back of my bike!

My grandfather served in World War II, no one else from my family has entered the Military.  But I chose a different path, and I rode today for not only my grandfather's legacy, but my fellow Firefighter/EMS brethren who risked their lives, and in some cases lost them... to serve there fellow man and Country in the only way they could!

I read some comments lately regarding "it's been 10 years, stop remembering and look to the future..."  I want to say something to these people, but I don't.  When America was attacked on December 7th, 1941... for months, years, even decades after, "Remember Pearl Harbor!"  "Remember December 7th!"  America lost that reminder a few generations later in the 80's, especially after the fall of the Soviet Union...  but this is a lesson hard learned.  My grandfather even said to me as a young child... "Never forget!"  He was talking about Pearl Harbor at the time...

So to those that want to "move-on" and start looking forward... an old Boy Scout trick I learned once is to stop every once and awhile and look back towards where you came from... helps you keep your bearings!  Helps you stay on course!

I choose to remember...

Going for a ride...

Tomorrow, Sunday, September 11th, I will be participating in a ride to pay tribute to those that lost there lives 10 years ago.

The last time something like this occurred, was on December 7th... but several generations later, there seems to be few who realize the significance of what really happened.  I may be old, but it still saddens me...

I will ride.  I will display the Flag of my Nation! 

Streets...

A few days ago, I was involved in a 'resuscitation'...

That is, the patient presented in a respiratory arrest (they stopped breathing), which quickly deteriorated into cardiac arrest (heart stopped beating).  They were clinically dead.

But thanks to modern medicine, they survived; an intubation, CPR, and pharmacological interventions... a restored heartbeat, "bucking" on the tube, this person will survive!  We saved a life!

But there is more to this story...  this patient is well known to most EDs in PHX...

Talk about fate... this was the second time at our facility alone, that this has happened!  Think about that for a second!  Two cardiac arrests, both times successfully resuscitated... to have someone walk out after a few days in the ICU, and continue their life...

Yet there life is such, that they continue behaviors that put them at risk.

I am sure I will see this patient again... hope there luck follows them!

A 'well' deserved break!

I have been working a lot!  My schedule has been a bit chaotic these past few months, but I just recently finished a 3x1x3!  So... I have a "5-off'r!"

I'll take this break!

Peace!