Relationships

I have been married... and divorced... twice. Not something to be proud of...

In each marriage, I loved my spouse. In a way, I still love each of them. In both cases, there was something that attracted us to each other, bonded us together, and caused us to enter into a relationship. Some may find it strange that I can still say that I love each of my ex-wives. Understand though, that the love I feel for them is not a romantic type of love. It is more of a nuturing, caring, Christian type of love.

So, someone asked me the other day when I was going to start getting out, start dating again.

The question took me by surprise. Don't misunderstand... several of my friends have suggested people I should meet, invited me to attend events that their "friend" will be at, etc. But the question was so straight forward and direct.

Now, everybody has heard of rebound relationships. When is a relationship a "rebound" vs. not? Is it a matter of time? Is it a matter of awareness of self? Is it a matter of readiness? What are the criteria?

I have heard several figures as to the time needed to heal and be ready for a relationship following a divorce. The one that keeps coming up is 1 year of "singleness" for every 4 years of "marriage." But this is only a guideline. There are a lot of issues that need to be dealt with before someone considers entering into a new relationship.

One of the best determinants I have heard is, "When you are comfortable with yourself, comfortable being single, not needing to be involved in a relationship to define yourself, then, and only then, are you ready for a relationship."

The point is, there is no hard and fast rule.

Too often, people get involved in relationships before they are ready... this would be a "rebound."

My suggestion is to surround yourself with friends. If your a guy, go play some basketball with other guys, have a beer together, go fishing! If your a gal, go play some basketball with other gals, have a beer together, go fishing! The gist is to make same-sex friends first. Find someone that you can talk to and share with, that won't judge you. Gals, this is where you definately have an advantage over us guys!

So to answer the question...

I'm not looking. It will happen when it happens!